one of my dear colleague's mother passed away recently suddenly, and she refused to say the reason. she wasnt someone really close, but i really tot i was lucky to meet someone like her at work. she has a heart for patients and students, was a good farmer and teacher.

it was so sad to see her crying non stop at the wake. for she is someone who is normally so cheerful. even once when she was shouted at by one male patient, she didnt even drop a tear. and the male patient alr made someone cried earlier one. so it was really upsetting to see her cry everytime each visitor comes. and her eyes were so swollen.

i cant help her much except to hope she gets up again and be strong, for she still has a long way to go. meanwhile, i am really afraid that i might lose my loved ones anytime too. dun u tink this is so scary? the thoughts of how my uncle passed away suddenly last year came back, and i cant help but feel life is really fragile.

working has been so tiring recently i am thinking of a change again. it is seriously a manpower shortage over here, why are we not doing anything!! Rush rush rush from monday to friday! I dun like such hectic working life. :(

Locum at AnE is good. Money is good! Am happy working there. I want to earn enough money so that I can faster clear my uni fees then think of my next step in life.

my first official leave day as a pharmacist today. chill chill chill. =)

so i was really busy last week cause my friend from US came for a visit. it was a good thing cause to everyone of us, it was a chance to get together again. I get to see the guy classmates, and of cos my sec school eye candy. He looked the same, and it was amusing when he told me his younger sister is in my course. Gosh, I cannot imagine if she turns out to be my student next time. Thanks Cat for coming back, and I hope she do well in her phd in harvard. Gosh this seems like an impossible path in my life. :(

and happy birthday lab partner! (:

every now and then, the tot of leaving and starting anew comes in. and i got disturbed. below are some reasons:

1) i cnt stand the working hours. i am becoming more n more anti-social cause i am so tired and everyday i feel so weary after work. maybe i worked too hard, but i prefer to give 100% at work cause i am dealing with people's lives. because i am so tired, i am abit sick of gg out. esp if its consecutive days.

2) i am getting sick and i am sick of not able to get mc. as in u know u can still function, but not at the best. so whats the point of gg to work? its so dangerous

3) i seriously think my work is hell-like. enough said.

4) i am so careless. ever since that error i committed, i live in the fear everyday i did sth wrong. everytime someone called my name, i have this fear. u know errors are sometimes inevitable, but we cant use this reason in my job. cause someone will get hurt if i made an error.

but i really enjoy my job because i get to make alot of meaningful interventions and counselling. even if nth was made, i made meanings to the use of the medications. i never forget my patients, and i always look forward to seeing them. not tat i am cursing them, but they are on long term meds, and i hope to see them coping well.

so do u think i should leave?

do you remember what u used to say last time?