I have been sick for the last few days, but I still went to work cause ..... Theres nobody at home anyway, it will be damn sad to be sick in an empty house. And at least when I faint at work, someone will know. o.o Feels really terrible, cause my nose feels blocked or runny at diff times and I lost appetite yet I still feel hungry. And I wore jacket with fans off at night, cause somehow the weather so cold these few nights??? And work hasn't been going smoothly ... IT NEVER RAINS BUT POURS! :(

Looking forward to the new year/christmas celebrations coming up though. Hope I get well soon! Sth good abt work is, I can go internet and thus I can msn and I think I finally got time to look through all the albums on facebook. :D

OH yeah I recevied 2 wedding invitations for march and april. Everyone getting married in 2011! Woosh!

One day,I will ask myself again why you are treating me like that.

I took 3 different antihistamines today and now I am in a super dazed state. ._.

HEY I CARRRY TWO BNFS TODAY UNTIL MY HANDS WANNA BREAK.

TODAY I SOLO DRUG INFO AND I PICKED UP 13 CALLS! WELL DONE!

AND MY HAIR IS SO STRAIGHT UNTIL EVERYONE THINKS ITS WEIRD. WHYYY! :(

Yay I just rebonded my hair! And I like it alot! Spent alot of money!!! But it is my christmas gift for myself yah! All ready for the meetups this week! Hurray!!!

Sat down for 4 hours plus! Now i got to chiong my project as my chief preceptor wants to see my results. Grrrr I hope nothing wrong comes out of it. >.<

Meeting Menpa on thursday. :):):)

Been a long time since I am back again. The last week was crazy, my grandfather went into a critical stage (I shall not talk abt therapeutics here) and I went to sgh from work almost everyday anytime. I only told one friend actually cause I am tired of telling people and this has become more common and serious than ever. Unfortunately, I met my classmate at sgh. >.< And he happened to be PC HAHAH and we were smsing at that time!

I think the best christmas I had is he is getting well soon now though he still needs to be hospitalised. Someone needs to be at the bedside 24hrs and this is really a burden. OOPS. Sometimes I dun know if getting well is a good or bad thing for him.

Otherwise, I am fine. Merry christmas everyday. I sent the wrong christmas mesasage to some friends yesterday, damn embarrassing!

Sigh sigh I am having diarrhea now, clear fluids all the way. Why does it comes back again? Depressed. :(

Okay I got my bonus but I calculated wrongly and was so happy for one moment. But am still happy cause I thought it is only a few hundreds. Oh well, arranged to go shopping spree tmr liao! :)

My colleagues were discussing abt work-life balance today. I worked really like hell for the first 3 months in my Pre-reg and was really burnt out. I feel life is happier now even though i feel my learning pace is slowed down. Maybe I am jaded already, which is very sad. Anyway, I am glad my friends still remember me and meet me up for christmas. :D I am sorry for the various last mintue pangseh-ings and I am also very upset. I am sorry for always being late for dinners, I always think the bus is waiting at the bus stop for me. I am sorry for looking sian diao at gatherings cause I am really tired, and no matter how long I sleep, I am still tired cause my sleep is always disrupted by either cramps or irritating nose. I hope my friends dont sms me only when the hospital got into the headlines and they think I am the one. >.<

i am born to be a pharmacist LOL. :):):):):)

I got scolded again. I get scolded everywhere. But its okay today cause I am still in a good mood. It feels good too to have received a message at the end of the day to say jiayou. Thank you jiawei!:D

I stayed back 3 out of 4 nights this week. And I got to do vaccines tonight. Am shagged. :x

These 2 days ever since the emo attack, I am in a very happy mood. The rotation is good, the place is good, the people there are nice(and one stay in my hometown somemore), and my partner is very nice to me. :):):) Feels that going to work feels lighter too! :D

But I am still not feeling very well. Esp last night, I was sneezing so much I got sore throat this morning. Feels terrible, cause I cant talk. Then, I got diarrhea! +.+ After constipating for 3 days!

Thanks to someone who is so childish, I lost one patient. >___<

Today, we stayed back to practise singing christmas songs! And I turn out to be soprano, anyhow de! Dun laugh LOL! I used to be from choir (Dun laugh again!) in secondary school and once sang carols too hor! I somehow forgot my choir lessons le but it was the best cca to join since I got to know my best friend. :D

Today, i went to visit one patient who have long finished my project interview but she was like a friend to me so I kept in contact with her all this while. She was my first patient i recruited and i am very thankful she was very supportive of my boring project. Ever since she started on cetuximab ( cause that drug cause severe low magnesium levels) she is always admitted for electrolyte imbalances. i was there for her all along with her family members, but at some times she dun want to show her fear to her family so that they wont be worried, and she will tell me abt it. Recently, she went for an op cause of recurrent wound infection. She was in pain and for the first time, she cried in front of me. I was really scared at first cause I am worried people may think I make her cry and her husband wasnt there. I hold her hand and didnt say anything, cause I dun know what to say or do. I had to leave shortly after she stopped crying cause I got to work too.

I am proud to be her support for that few minutes(hopefully). I believe today will be one of the most memorable days of my 9 mths journey.

Okay I shall not emo ya! At least I got bonus coming soon!! Since I really dun know alot of things, I should work harder ya!

I was emo-ing like shit this afternoon I went crazy I only ate half of my rice during lunch cause I was busy wondering why I am so lousy. Still wondering now LOL! So, I was really hungry and just had a damn full dinner! Told my friend I almost went into refeeding syndrome, he said I am very well-nourished in the first place! ARGH!

Tmr got to stay back to have carols lessons for christmas. Tell me something which pre-reg dun need to know how to do. +.+

You never know how important your message was to me. Even though it was less than 10 words.

This is the second consecutive week a farmer had commented that i dun know enough. Am i that lousy? Maybe i expect too much, but I never feel so down my whole life. I couldn't hide my disappointment anymore I teared on the way out. I always excel in the things I do, except now. And the worse thing is, I tried really hard. It made me doubt my abilities!!!! I am tired of the never ending work and effort I need to put in. Suan le la! >.<

it is not anyone's fault. i am the fault. i am lousy. :(((

Didnt go for pss lecture today. Down with fever. and i jus slept for 12 hours! I know it was coming, cause yesterday I got stomachache that feel like pancreatitis and I was burping nonstop. And the damn irritating headache. Actually I been popping panadol these few days too, sigh. :( Thanks fang for helping me sign.

Anyway, I am gg to give myself a break today even though i got so much things to do! The tot of that makes me sick again.

Met up with jw and fel yesterday for dinner. Simple and nice, ate ice cream too! ice cream makes me happy! And city hall change too much over the last few mths! Nowadays, I only got to monitor the progress at the circle line at kent ridge and the construction site at BV. ARGH.

Was told that the assignment we handed in previous day was lousy. Well well, I think pre-reg are always thought to be so smart that they know everything already. But if we are so smart, we wont be suffering for these 9 mths. Pre-reg is supposed to be a time for us to make mistakes and make from it right. It was a painful lesson learnt, cause we chionged like mad in the afternoon to rectify the mistake. D was in painful deep shit the whole afternoon. And my stomach hurt like crazy that time thanks to the crisis.

I am so glad I am going OP soon sometimes. Cause i suddenly feel so jaded and I hope I can find back my drive in OP. And I believe I can do so. :D

Jay choy is no longer No.1 in taiwan for cd sales anymore, replaced by that irritating pig. UNEXPLAINABLE MAN. DAMN.

i have this terrible headache following me this week and have not been sleeping well thanks to my runny nose. Feeling very terrible cause i feel really lousy with the medicine and i have to walk all over the place for tpn rounds. feel really horrible cause i cant rest at all. i hate all this cause i cant function as i sleep the moment i reach home. my lab attachment is duper not productive and i got scolded today for not knowing enough.

the thing is, i feel very lonely sometimes cause i cant tell anyone how i feel. nobody is free or will listen anyway. when i am not feeling well, or even when i feel very stressed, i dont know who to confide in. I feel i am fighting the pre-reg war alone and sometimes i really feel like 9 mths is enough.

Hello, am back and doing well! At lab these few days and rather boring. -.- Readings after readings, sometimes i don't even know if i know i am reading. Anyway, my PMS emo period is over and now I am very happy once again hee!

I got a christmas present today! First one! Now I gonna waste time doing that puzzle. ^.^

My new laptop ... trying to figure out how to use msn 2010. I know how to appear online to some people, but then how to appear offline to that person again ar? I am an idiot right. LOL.

Babe is here to join me this week at work. Too bad she is not at lab today, otherwise we can make cream tgt. Making cream is damn tiring, and can only make 10 percent excess. Almost dun have enough at the end! it is a pity we cant go work or go home tgt, but at least now she knows my eye candy in the hospital. >.<>

OH YAH, needs a menpa gathering soon! Too nwa to plan sometimes, but I will ya!

Sometimes I am really scared of talking about the past. I am glad I managed to open up abit today. Thank you for asking.

cramps this afternoon was so painful i feel tears in my eyes. )))):

and so much work to do. and i dun like to do. and i feel so tired the last few days i slept at 11 cause it was the time of the mth! I woke up at 5am in shock the last 2 nights cause i haven read my enteral nutrition notes! Sigh sigh sigh i cant do it. i cant do it. i cant do it.

I went to the neonatal ICU today. and i saw a pair of twins babies, and they weigh 800g only. Am sad to see them in this state, they looked too fragile to even be described in words. I really hope they make it through.

In lab now, been doing extem preparations these 2 days. the trainings in school are useless cause I can anyhow stir and make a mess out of the whole area. Now, people are going to drink the shlol's solution that i freshly made for them!

I miss the clean room.

And i am going to repeat what i say every entry. i am tired.

i want to go holiday no friends are free. it is sad, the reason last time is no money. now is no time. everyday i surf the website looking for cheap deals, but i am deceiving myself only cause i haven apply leave yet. =.=

If I could have anything that I could buy off someone else with money, or even anything that existed in this world, what would I want?

I dont even know what I want.

And its sad, cause I dun know where to go from next. Well, people may say you are so good at ur clinical part, u are so hardworking! You should be clincial! Should I? I know how complacent I am, how not meticulous I am, how lazy I am actually compared to years ago. So yeah .... And the more I work, the more I know, the more I doubt my own abilities.

Urine test? The only urine test I had in school was my pharmacokinetics module, and we measured the half life and kinetics of paracetamol. it was lame, almost everyone fake their urine with chrysanthemum tea or other teas, and we brewed the samples in lab lol.

Okay this is in response to rx's entry, and I am feeling sad that I had to work tmr. Worked today even though it was a sunday. I hate sunday duties, how many times must i mention this!

should stop thinking so much and read up on tmr's rotation!

YAY I bought a new laptop. Now it is so quiet I can hear me typing the keyboard. SHIOK!!

But that means I am broke. I shall eat more veg rice with more rice and less meat this month. Christmas is coming, time to meet up for meals = more money needed.

oh ya, i lost my uob atm password. now my card is retained by the machine. sad. :(

Hello! I finished my first round of vivaS and I think I should be able to pass them all! Awesome! :D

I would never imagine myself to end up training in this hospital 2 years ago when i was trying hard to make it on time for 8am lecture. the past few mths have been crazy, i sleep and wake up at weird timings, and normally i meet the outside world in the weekends. weekdays are normally working till i die type.

i am grateful for the group of colleagues with me. Other than CY, I think I made 12 new friends this time. :) They are nice people and I am glad to have this in my learning journey, I learnt alot from everyone! I thank my partner for helping me queue up for coffee and understanding my erratic behavior. But sometimes I still dun understand his erratic behavior.

I am not someone who will tell u I am worried and scared, cause I don't want to add to people's burden. But I am actually really scared everyday cause I worry I will get into trouble and end up quarreling with people. It isnt easy, but I am glad I survived close to 4 mths of work! :D

I still dont know what I want in the future though. Sometimes as much as I want to help people and be a good pharmer, sometimes I thought I am more suitable for other jobs. >.< I hope I can come to a decision when the training ends!

Work in the past 2 days haven been good. its pretty shitty.

yesterday, Hospital C called me. And its was the Head farmer. Actually she called me last week, created a hooha btw DI and lab cause she asked for a substitute for one eye drop for alkaline eye burns. I helped her search, and ended up niao by the lab farmer in my hospital for being nosey. But, this was her DRUG ENQUIRY. And I am just a small farmer, how to reject! So yesterday, she came back from leave and called me again to ask for alternatives! Cause apparently my answer to her that day was not good cause the alternative also not available lol! Lousy! Then, I looked for more studies then called the eye farmer in my hospital, told him abt this, told him what i had done and what the lab farmer tot alr, and guess what! He called the lab farmer to ask why we stopped producing the eye drops! Then, the lab farmer scolded me again and this time, she asked me if i am very free. Cause hospital C has thier own DI. I really feel like scolding back cause it is not my fault, and my DI farmer is not around, I have to make the decisions myself. =.=

Today, some irritating farmer called me to ask for one question. it is written everything in DIH, MIMS and PIL on this equation, yet he told me it is not correct! So i searched and found all similar data, and showed him. Then, he showed me one reference table he got and told me in front of everyone that I didnt search enough! Bloody hell! I seldom lose my cool in front my strangers but this time, I am mad angry. And guess what, I went to search all the articles to show him! Then I realised his reference table is wrong!

I am alr very stressed over viva. Not having enough quality sleep. And everyone I have to deal with these people who just piss me off.

Going to have my practical viva tmr. Very scared cause those instructions for use dun make sense, I mean I never see those products before my whole life. How to counsel!!!! But in holiday mood le, haven start memorising anything yet. Think will panic attack tonight. X.X

the N peeps are planning to go to have indian VEG dinner after viva. Oh well, that place serves not bad food lah, but then I tot that is rather sad to celebrate end of viva. It is not that i dun like the food, I also got eat veg meals de ar. But I am worried that I will get stomachache after that, my lousy stomach. Sometimes I think I eat too much chicken rice from the staff canteen, I also get stomachache cause maybe too oily. But then again, my stomach can take watever amt of french fried and macdonalds. =.= But its okay, there's always loperamide!

My friend all cant believe I got 4 vivas to go! it is like taking 4 mods in NUS lah!

Looking forward to post-viva to go out and meet those that I miss! Esp those farm friends. =)

I am very happy that char is coming to N soon for attachment heh. Hope CL gets well soon from food poisoning. :)

I feel depressed when i see the amt of work to do in the coming weeks. :(

I passed my inpatient viva! Awesome shit! Initially i was so nervous i cant even remember the dosing for Flumucil for PCI. LOL. I told them I am really nervous cause this is my first viva lol. in the end, i asked them .. have i passed alr? Because I want to go toliet very badly!

Oh but i need my fairy godmother for tmr's viva! :(((((

on my way to work today, i saw someone who look so similar to rx. I can totally still remember how he looked 4 years ago lol. I wonder if he look the same now. I miss menpa! Work hard for ur exams guys then we can hae a white christmas! ^.^

Today is PH. Finally can sit down and have some good msn chats. Took a rather long nap by accident, but studying was rather productive. I cant remember them man!

I am looking forward to post-viva as I can finally do what I want to do. Currently on a hiatus and seriously this sucks cause I dun know if i can make it for tmr and friday. Am okay with retaking but pls dun let me retake everything!

First day at DI. And alone! And some of the colleagues had their DI viva today! Damn terrifying!

Looking forward to end of viva so that I can buy my iphone then I can play non-stop those games! Mad in love with them! :D

I am feeling so sleepy now but I shall endure otherwise i will die in my cc viva ......

I want to be encouraging for my friends. But when they didnt do well, I feel bad cause I feel I give them false hopes. Sorry. :(

I am so concerned over my high BMI that i wrote in my slides that chemo drugs r dosed based on BMI, not BSA! OMG, this is such a terribly funny mistake! So, stop saying that am fat okay! I cant conc at work!

last night around 1am, i realised i dun have enough info for my slides for ppt today and i am presenting to my chief p. call me kiasu or kiasi or whatever, i woke up at 630 to cab to work to use IPHARM in the wards. this is so damn tiring, i slept in the office and then jus now 2 hours at home. when you are tired, you inevitably emo and wonder why you are working so hard for. why i cant be my other friends and have their weekends purely to go out. i am trying very hard to have good balance, and it is so tiring to try that hard. cause there is really ALOT of things to do, and yet i want to go out during the weekends. you see, the learning log and project that i have to deal with after my exams ..... I jus hate them! sometimes i feel really bad i have ignored my parents ever since i starte working, i am really sorry for this and i am really trying very hard. Cause most of the time, I came home and went to bed straight. Or I wake up at timings they are deep asleep. i hope all these get better after my training, otherwise maybe this is just not for me.

mugging (defined as intensive studying and brainless memorising) makes me emo. so many things to read! :((((

I cant believe I am sitting for my viva soon, and soon I will be a real farmer! :D

This week was really bad. Supposed to be at purchasing, which was rather slack, ended up in retail pharmacy to pack. I feel unappreciated over there, alone and emo. I pity those farmers who are busy chasing after waiting time and getting scolded for no reasons. that day, i got scolded by a wheelchair patient cause i told him to wait 30 mins more as i need to go store and take stocks for him. he said his taxi fare will increase if he wait for me, but then the peak period for surcharge is not so early what. i hate such people who abuse ur special privileges! :(

then i was always left alone in store to do packing. cause my parnter and i take turns to go retail pharmacy to do packing. stock items are so heavy, i do until i sweat in the air con store. i hate this!

Got sth not good for my appraisal. well well, i promised someone i will get over it hee. :) like i always say, i dun expect everyone to like me. :)

I am not a believer of staying up late (except to watch drama or chat haha) or doing last minute stuff. i think there is a reason why there is 24 hours a day, and a reason why people say we should sleep 8 hours a day. I am kinda upset by the end of the week nowadays if i dun get my 8 hours sleep, and i ended up spending my weekends sleeping away.

Now, i hv this lasting eye bags which i believed is due to the cc attachment, damn disgusting! I hope my eye masks will relieve it away!

Random post above oh!

My viva is coming real soon, and i am going to die cause everything is in a mess. i really dun know where to start! The last few nights, i started reading the junk of stuff i wrote in the last few mths and i got difficulty recalling why i wrote those stuff and what they mean!

I am so tired. i often wonder why i am always so tired. i am at purchasing now, but i am still tired. no matter what i do, i am still tired. I rested alot like during the weekend! Am sad. :(

And i got to do the slides for my cancer centre ppt. I hate doing slides!

after a bad night of never ending bad news followed by sleepless night due to my nose, i received good news this evening! My cousin is a father now! Woah! :) :)

I need to learn to be more humble ... ^.^

i spent my whole morning trying to hunt down one lizard in my room. it is damn huge. and there are so many notes in my room, so many good hiding places! :(((((

So my exam is in 2 weeks time and I am scared lol. I actually wanted to hide at home these 2 days to mug but i have to do some rubbish admin stuff today which gave me headache and i slept my afternoon away! :( the last time i studied hard was mths ago. had been slacking these few weeks, actually i studied rather hard initially when i went inpatient, but i attended so much gatherings, nobody in the working world study! Nobody really care?! So, I shall join the majority. ^.^ But then again i cant fail! Its so embarrassing!!!

Oh I survived my cancer centre attachment! it wasnt easy, i was by myself most of the time. :( Lets dun talk abt how she insult me lol, I forget already la! She showed me how much i still dont know and that pharmacists really play a big role. :) looking at the way she is not complacent abt anything though she had been in this line for so damn long, I feel amazed.

oh that day i went to interview one patient and expressed concern that he looked bald now... and that it is due to the chemo ..then he told me he jus went fr a haircut yesterday. it was so embarrassing i tell you. but then he said am sweet lol. :)

just now, someone approached me to do survery. to accumulate karma for me to survive well on my last day of attachment, i agreed. so the first question was, whats my occupation .. then he anyhow assumed my pay is btw 3 to 4 k! So rude! I had to tell him sorry pls tick the 1.5 to 2k box. :(

Life at the cancer centre is really stressful. first, everything cause nausea and vomiting, i seriously cant remember. second, i am separated from my partner so i had to learn to protect myself from any fireballs. third, there are too many fireballs these few days I kept getting burnt!!! (if you get what i mean hur!)

I washed the trays and splashed water all over the floor, and my supervisor had to help me clean up the floor cause she fear someone may slip down. omg i feel so bad. :( I am really lousy at doing housework.

cramps continued today. and i rushed to the farm t get panadol menstrual lol. :(

If there was anything I think which is unlucky, it would be the painful cramps that i have on some months. today i had Sunday duty, and this is enough to cause pain. cramps started around 10am, and it got so bad i almost fainted and cant stand straight. :( Asked around for panadol but nobody has. its really a torture cause i know 100000000 tabs of panadol is just at the corner but i cant take them! Finally, someone got naproxen, i hesitated to take cause i didnt had breakfast. however, i still took it and ended up with gastric pain. :( So, I had both pain going on at the same time and ended up vomiting at 12 plus, and cried alone in the toliet before going back to work. :((((( and i cant take mc cause then my sunday duty wont be counted! Gross to the max!

christmas is coming. if you are my friend and you are thinking of a present for me, panadol menstrual is sweet enough. it is so expensive i always save on it and not take it for prophylaxis and ended up suffering.

And my study patient was hospitalised yesterday due to diarrhea. I got reminded of my uncle who had the same incident but then ended up leaving us. I dont dare to assure her that everything will be fine, even though she looked fine. overall, it was an emo sunday.

Painful cramps. I came back and slept all the way ... And I still feel very tired. :'(

And I only drank 1/4 glass of milk tea last night! I shouldnt be so greedy seriously!

At the Cancer centre for rotation now.. Damn not familiar with all the drugs, and i hate to find out the compatible diluent or stability ... its like so what right lol. Lunch timings are very late. Plus I keep washing the trays will i backache... It is the sink design Yah! And today, i stayed back till 830! OMT!!!

But it is so cold there ... I am thinking to wear my korea winter clothes to work! With the act cute earbands. >.<

Thinks I am very lucky hee! =)

I feel very terrible when I cant help you. :(

Had a great weeekend before I really sit down and start mugging for my viva. Finally, celebrated best friend's birthday. Hope she likes the present though I wrap until very ugly. -.- saturday, my friend rode all of us around the city! It is different this time cause he bought it on his own! And its quite expensive de. Woah! ^.^ He bought it after working for 2 months! I worked for 4 months, and I dun even have money to buy a good tyre! Sigh, different fate lah!

Tmr going to a new rotation. Everyone said its tough. I am more worried if i offend the supervisors there. given my tendency to guess answers ... :(:( Pray that the good deeds that I have done all these years will be converted into good karma to last me for 2 weeks. For the bad stuff i had done, i shall repent 2 weeks later okay ....

nowadays gatherings are discussions on work promotions, bonuses, salaries, housing and marriage. so stressful, sigh! :(

there is a stinging sensation on my nostrils the last few days thanks to the haze. everyday on the 95 bus back from work, i always whined how hazy the outside is! cause i was indoors for the whole day ma!

previous previous night didnt sleep well cause was rushing through some slides for a ppt, which ended up being postponed. and previous night was even more disastrous cause i ended up sneezing till i got fever. but i still went to work today ... head was spinning the whole day, plus today i was reviewing some private wards where everyone comes from all over the world with all types of conditions. the first patient i dispensed has her fingers choppped off (yeewww i almost gasped when i saw her, very sorry!) and then i got one SJS patient. Yeah the Headache worsened after i saw the patient (i so terrible right!) I hope tmr i get to go back to the general wards!

Ended the day well with a dinner with my sister. since her uni started, she went to stay at hall and i hated the nights when i had to sleep alone in the room. And we went for family dinner the previous previous night. Nice. =)

i dun know where t start studying for viva. i dun even know how to pack the notes. -.-

Oh i need to write sth .... that day i panicked cause i cant find my phone, so i rushed back to the pharmacy to find it. then my supervisor saw me and asked me what am finding, then i lied to her her that am finding my notes. but then i still cant find, i decided to sneak to the wards to give a miss call to my phone. Guess what, my phone was actually on my supervisor's table, so when i called, she knew abt it cause it rang and she saw the ward number! So paiseh! I seriously dun know when I put my phone there! Lying is not good oh!

happy birthday shufang! =)))))

Work has been good. I have a lovely bunch of colleagues who for most of them I seldom talk to in school, and I am glad pre-reg has allowed me to know more about them. Some of them are really good at crapping, I love those small chats with them. =)

The preceptors at this hospital are so good and helpful that I never regret making the decision to travel so far everyday to work. I am really amazed and touched by some of their actions, esp when people do sth extra out of what they are supposed to do.

My partner is nice as he always lend me his phone to play bejeweled. I also dun understand why i am so crazy over that game! But today, he said cannot play liao. :(

Many times, I feel very lucky I didnt give up on my pre-reg and choose some other route. I really love clinical work currently, though I think perhaps this may change over time.

Except for the times when I have to do sunday duty, or when i need to stay back till damn late in the hospital, or when studying becomes a chore rather than an interest, or when i feel damn lost and alone at work, and of cos every monday .... at these times, i feel like quiting ... but i dont know where to go from there, so i hold on.

But actually, work has been good. at least i got a job. =)

you are not someone i can ask help from.

but then again, i shouldnt expect people to help me from the start.

I woke up at 845am when i got a lecture at SGH at 9am. Oh shit, am so thankful shufang called me.

I just had 2 small gatherings with my gang at uni and my taiwan gang. I missed my uni gang cause they are one group of people i can tell them abt my dreams and they are there to tell me whats wrong or correct. they are frank in their words, and they are a group of people to work hard and joke with. For my taiwan gang, they are a group of people good to whine and we love saving money!!

I had started work for 4 months plus .. and I really miss school life. there are alot of people I miss .... Those people I once took 95 bus and the train with, my lab partner who will understand my jokes and poor english, and the study gang ...

okay lah, next post i will tell abt how much i love my work hahah.

going cycling tmr! hope it dun rain!

I have been sleeping before 10pm for the last 2 weeks. Too tired and I cant be bothered to do anything when I reached home. If a real farmer works like that, I dun mind! =))

Today, I had a tough day at work. My senior caught my mistake and was told she needs to observe my dispensing. My colleague caught my mistake and was told he wont trust me anymore. :(

Then, there is this sickening patient who die die must use her own medications cause she bought from specialist. Hello, if you are so rich, dun come to a govt hospital! Waste my time cause I need to OT to settle her case! Pissed.

It will be good if happiness and luck have a long half life.

Nehs are evil! They scold people without thinking! =(

am happy cause I bought clothes today! It is sometimes very troubling to think what to wear to work everyday cause cannot be too lousy right! Heh. Yay and got offer!

side thought: Sometimes I dont understand why you dun like me so much but you can be so nice to someone else who is not nice to you!!

There are currently some issues with my ocip team accounts, after close to 2 years! Such a pain in the ass! Argh!

OMGGG I got to work this sunday! Stock takee ...... =(

okay should stop whining. at least i got a job yaaaaa. =x

today was one of the best days i ever had at work though I woke up late at 725am and refused to take cab(rather missed CE)! Grand round was fun, lunch had fried chicken wings, case discussion with the king was scary yet fulfilling, dinner was back at sci canteen (and not alone), and a nice meetup! =)

am on attachment with the clinical guidelines king this week. He is so tall I feel tired after talking to him. back to the emo ward when all the elderly are suffering in pain. But there is this cute ah ma who always smile when I smile to her, though I think she is not mentally alright. But it is good that she is still 'happy'? And I heard from the nurses she likes people to help her tie hair!

You never know I actually do remember everything that you once told me ya. even though there is an eraser in my brain. hehe. :)

I ran 5km today. After such a long time. and i feel great! And lighter too. ^.^ The bad thing is, I was in damn unglam clothes then i saw my farm eye candy. He cant recongise me, and I have to go up and say 'hey thats me'!

I am quite sad when people say it is quite tiring to work with me ....

I got so many pimples now. I think I did too much face masks that the pimples are getting the nutrients too.

oh my tian i forgot to dispense one drug today so i am gg to deliver to the nursing home next week myself! Home delivery wor! And its a drug that is so expensive and needs to be refrigerated! Someone just kill me please!

tonight's dinner was very enlightening. :):)

Maybe its due to the monthly hormonal thingy .. but i am so tired these few days. i have been sleeping the moment i reached home, immediately after bathing with my hair still wet. i jus lost conciousness like suddenly. Cause nobody is at home, i only woke up till the next morning. 2 days ago, i tried to force myself to stay awake so i ordered mac to eat. at least i got sth to wait and look forward to. guess what, i fell asleep after eating my fillet and my fries were untouched till the next morning! So disgusting right!

I am sad by the fact at how i managed my time so badly. And today, i jus attended a friend's grandfather's wake. I am suddenly so scared again what if my grandfather really leaves me one day.

emo.

so i am well again, but the fatigue continues. as much as i like this job, i hate the way why i must bring so much work home to do everyday. i miss watching tv and having a good night sleep without thinking that i got a whole damn lot of cases to clerk, questions to answer bah blah blah. It feels gulity that ur preceptors are trying so hard to teach you, while you just go back and doze up till next morning every night without doing their work!

the peak hour for me every year has arrived. my student is having her finals soon and i need to squeeze out some time for extra lessons. tell me how!

i may not be a good friend, but i try my best to be a good colleague.

i am so bored from staying at home! Having very bad headache, so cant study. I found the television nosiy too! Cant go out cause am sick plus weather so hot. tell me what to do!

i lost to the bet with my friend on who will be the one to first take mc. had very bad vomiting plus high fever today. at the staff clinic, my temp was actually 37.9 and the doctor wondered how i can still continue dispensing the whole morning! i actually hesitated taking mc the whole morning cause i thought it was hypo cause I thought lunch will make it better. but it was worse ... anyway, am too tired to type anymore so bye.

did some warfarin counselling/smoking cessation today in chinese and saw the patient's bruises due to the clexane injections ...

am going to chairman the emo club. so tired of working liao!

hospital has free breakfast for staff everyday! Hope I can wake up on time tmr to go for the feast!

Woke up at 2am to sneeze last night, was so bad I was in cold sweat .... Cant sleep so woke up to do work at 5am. Thats explain for the tuesday blues today. However, I was quite satisfied when I managed to educate an old man on the correct use of phosphate binders, and the rationale behind. And I made him promise to take it regularly. But well, I took 30 minutes.

Because I am so insecure, I will believe whatever someone tells me. I am not serious as described, but I just want to take precautions. Because I am so afraid of offending my friends and making them angry, like what had happened last time. It's very tiring sometimes cause it turned out to be a joke again.

Oh did I mention we have this montly journal club which I super hate! It is super not useful sometimes when everyone is so tired. The only thing that I like is it reminds me of pay day!

Enough said. I should sleep. Otherwise wednesday blues will come in tmr.

my hobby is to read clinical guidelines. Initially i chose to anyhow go emedicine or any google sites to take info, but i soon realised i cant run away from those clinical guidelines. am glad these info are more easily absorbed now.

did i mention this week is my last inpatient rotation week! after that is independent liao!

every monday, i will get very terrible monday blues. cause i didnt get enough rest in the last weekend and i will get a whole new load of things to do adds on. :(((

had been playing with fire and knew it through the hard way today.

am 20 plus, feels like 80 plus, behaves like 10 plus.

$$$$$$$!!!

I think I am a weird person. When my friends are stressed, i will try my best to stay calm cause i dun want to add to the chaos and will want to help and motivate my friends. When my friends are calm and steady, i will panic cause I will feel we should do this and do that. Many times I make trouble or mistakes, then in the end i ask myself why like that ...

My pre reg project is driving me crazy already ....

Tell me how!

Someone stepped on my shoe today and the damn sweet ribbon on it came off.

Maybe I expect too much from myself and everyone else .... It is really very tiring.

Oh yeah oh yeah! So I woke up at 5 plus today to wash clothes. Blame it on the stupid rain yesterday I need to rewash the clothes! Shouldnt have trust the weather forecast!! Anyway, damn shagged! I hope this dun happens again!

Today is a good day. Got some sponsored nasi lemak to start the day off due to a talk, and got my fav chicken wing! But unfortunately, my fork broke while I was kapping my chicken wing, and it must be damn loud cause my colleague cant stop laughing! After that, we had a nice senior to follow with, she actually said she is studying with us. Dun know to be happy or sad to hear this. -.- I ate fishball soup for lunch cause I was too full and after that, i almost puked due to too much fishballs! Then, got a rather productive afternoon and lastly, grandfather is discharged! Means mother is coming back home soon tooooo! :)

My sister is away at hall and my mother is taking care with my grandfather. The house is really quiet, and it is really very scary to be at home. I am so worried I saw my bf cockroach. I think most prob I will go tampines mall to hide until my father comes home.

I am so tired recently. It must be acute and chronic fatigue. That explains for my slightly weird behavior, everyone telling me that! I really want to sleep early tonight, but I got to iron clothes otherwise I got nth to wear to work soon!

am pissed off. Someone just like to play with my patience.

i am seriously thinking of stopping quiting. Sunday is my only day which I can silent my alarm clock, but now I have to wake up at 9am just to go tuition. And my tuition kid treats me worse than the patients sometimes. -.- Kids nowadays!?!?

Monday is coming. And my headache is coming back again.

Yeah maf celebration later! A season to get hyperlipidemia!

The last few days have been horrible for me and my family cause grandfather was (again) in a critical condition and going in and out of hospital. And finally he was admitted after going into EMD for 3 times. He no longer recognize me anymore for the last few days and was saying stuff that I dun understand. I was so worried I have no mood to work at all! Grrrr.

Luckily, he is feeling better now and I really hope he gets to be free from all these pain soon ...

I dun like working. It made me feel older and I feel I drifted apart from my friends who are still studying, which is rather sad. :(

I am getting very sick of work recently and am glad I got the next few days for a break. This can be reflected by the longer hours of sleep I need nowadays at night. In short, fatigue.

Have a good break too all my dear friends. :)

my patient died in the ward today 10 minutes after i dispensed her medications to her family member. maybe i exaggerated the whole incident, but it was a big blow to me. I was standing in front of her just 10 minutes ago and telling her family how to take the medications properly. She looked in distress, the case notes wrote she was of poor prognosis, but I cant help feeling this is too sudden for me to accept. When the preceptor told me she passed away, it took me a while to register that's actually the patient that I JUST dispensed.

The only thing I can be happy for this patient was ... She dun have to go through the pain and taking the whole long list of medications. And her loved ones were at her side when she passed away.

Recently, my grandfather has been going in and out of SGH A&E like shopping mall, and its very worrying and devastating. I am so worried I might be dispensing halfway one day while my grandfather leaves me. I wanted to call my mother very badly during lunchtime today but i am worried I may cry till cannot work in the afternoon haiz. :(

Working is like sitting on a roller coaster ride today. I am so sick of everything and its really pathetic to know in such a big place with so many people, I feel so lost and alone.

I am going to sleep early tonight so that this emo day ends earlier. goodnight, and I hope tmr will be a better day.

Today was a happy day cause ....

1) The senior farmer we followed this week is very nice and responsible. she volunteered to do the boring med recon. And she is a pretty ang moh with her cool, I cant help looking at her sometimes. but I dun really catch what she said sometimes!

2) Met the old gang for bdae treats! I hope xz likes the card we made! See, I dun write abt work stuff only heh!

3) Today is the last day of the seventh month. No more fears of going work at 645am!

4) I am almost done with the damn long case for my pediatrics rotation! Well done! Not as easy case!

There is this recreational day for the farmers next friday and they are going to play basketball. Given my height and skills at that game, nobody will want me in their team. Can I bring the ball and dun play the game?

I am very amused by my words. Today I told my friend I am going to call DI to ask for the minimum dose for metformin. Brillant. :)

I love my work man! Med recon rocks!

We all know that we must complete the whole course of antibiotics. So one of my dear friends had an eye infection recently and she happily used up the whole antibiotics eye drop solution prescribed for her! Oh my tian I told her the next time she got an eye infection, it would be of an ESBL phenotype!

Bad news to share ...

I left my dearest thumbdrive in the ward! Grrrr, I seriously hope I will find it back. It has my damn chio keychain attached to it. :(

I gained weight again. And I haven lose the weight that I gained from the previous off day. No more off days for me. :(

If you know me deep enough, you will realise I am someone with low EQ.

I drank alcohol last night cause it was celebrating a friend's bdae and I dun want to spoil everyone's mood and order mocha. -.- So today, I ended up with a rather itchy back (thank god I took loratadine at 6am otherwise it would be worse) but it was still rather distracting, my face was slightly redder than normal (like acneiform rash), and the worst thing is ... I feel damn hot inside even though I am in the damn cold farm. It is quite a torture but luckily I was busy dispensing the whole morning, so I kinda got distracted. I tried to drink as much water and drank coffee at 6am, 8am and 2pm to flush the alcohol out lol.

I learnt my lesson. Next time even if its someone's 100th birthday, I am gg to drink mocha only. Haha! :)

I am quite happy friday has actually arrived. The past week has its Highs and lows. Sister had gone to stay at hall already and I felt quite frightened at night in the bedroom alone. There was 2 nights I reached home and the house was empty, and I got abit upset cause I just had a tired day outside and want to see my parents badly.

reached home at 1am yesterday! omt and here I am, waking up at 6am feeling irritated (but not gulity) cause I haven prepare for my renal therapeutics and the farmer we are discussing with today is my preceptor!

Yes tmr am on leave! Cant wait. :)

omt! last night i closed the bedroom door, on the laptop and radio and everything, and somehow i dun know when I dozed off and woke up at 2am in shock! What happened to me? I must be really tired man!

the ward Rotations are making me really giddy and tired. Totally can experience the 'Sien' feeling. I was so pissed off with everything today that on the train back, I told one guy to wake up when he was leaning towards me as he dozed off beside me.

i never know working can be so emotionally tiring.

the ppt today wont go well if my daddy didnt rush down to pass me my stupid thumbdrive. i really need to change my forgetful habit. since kindergarden, my parents have always been going my school to pass me things, and that included NUS too! I really cmi!

I love my parents!

Anyway I just had one of the worst periods my whole life. first, the cramps were so painful i couldnt sleep (but that's not sth new!), but this time i started to vomit! Then, I lost so much blood till i felt giddy! I just hope this faster ends cause I really cant conc at work!

I want to be a boy my next life if i cant be a tree!

It is always so much easier to tell people to cheer up compared to people asking you to cheer up. Of cos I understood the disappointment, I had my worst days back then too but then life is still just as great now! I would be a horrible friend to let you continue in despair, therefore those encouraging words came in. And of cos, they were geinuine. :)

I like the way we msn-ed. :)

I am having my first ppt at my workplace tmr, and i am abit scared but not very concerned already. This is so like FYP once again! I prayed that no cancer-related questions to be asked. otherwise, I will be so dead. Because this is an ongoing project, I cant change alot of stuff, and there are a few things I actually dun agree on. Haiz.

If tmr goes well, I shall treat myself to Mac. The honey dun know what fries damn nice!

I look forward to my off day this saturday. :)

my cramps are so painful i feel like crying. :(((

2 accidents in 1 day

Thursday

thanks to the sudden visits to the toliet this morning, i was almost late for work. but boss was later! :( Took a cab to work, and unfortunately there was an accident at CTE. The cab was crawling but the fare rate was escalating. :((( My heart bled cause that is like more than half of my one day pay! Anyay, when i saw the ambulance at the site of the accident, I got a sudden impulse to get off my cab and get a free ride from the ambulance! We should be going to the same place right!

On my way back home, i was so tired I decided to take bus 96 to clementi so tat I can sit down on the train. But I was so unfortunate again cause there was another accident just outside NUS at the clementi side. This time, the bus wasnt moving at all and I was so pissed off. I was on that bus for 45 minutes lah! I would have reached buona vista earlier if I walked there!

Friday

Today, after work, I decided to follow one colleague to cross the bridge to the other side of the expressway to take bus 198. It is damn fast, but i think I will be damn slim after 9 mths! Cross bridge everyday!

Bought a new bag for work at the hospital bazzar. Hopefully it will last me until I get my dream bag. :))

a bad day. :(

first, i woke up at 4am plus cause i got sinus again, and i refused to take any medicine and rather sneeze cause it is almost time to wake up anyway. the fatigue caused me to be insecure the whole day, and i felt so lost in this damn big hospital. and at the same time, this current rotation is also making me damn lost. Project recruitment didnt go well, how many times have i waited for patients who in the end MIA? I am a bit sick of this, cause i had to run all over the place, and i got my own work to complete at the own rotation. oh, and its just the beginning.

I sometimes wonder i am capable of doing all these. someone told me all the diarrhea or sinus problems are here with me today cause i am too tired and always expect too much from myself. my working partner is always telling me to relax and dun do things so fast. while at times i find life challenging and awesome, i feel really tired sometimes and think i am being too hard on myself. :(((

Last night, while doing my slides, i was very grateful to my fyp sup who was once very critical abt my p1 slides (though she MIA in the last ppt) and wk for helping me for p2, cause i felt more prepared to do good slides now. the whole process then wasnt easy, but i realised i learnt alot frm them yesterday. And of cos, I felt very accomplished at the end of the night.

and lastly, ever since my uncle's death few mths ago, waiting for my parents' health report is worse than waiting for my own exam results. I really hope things go well. :)

Randoms ....

nowadays, every name that i hear sounds familiar .. I seem to have done med recon for him or her lol.

was walking home alone just now at 10pm plus ... omg it was so scary as i kept thinking there are ghosts around me! Argh. :(

menpa: Phua told me he wants to help me extract my wisdom tooth! HELPPPPPPPP.

my diarrhea seems to be getting worse and higher in frequency. maybe i should start investing in probiotics, cause it worked that time when I had such problems when I went India.

that friday evening, i was interviewing one patient on cetuximab, and he told me he went for a checkup after many episodes of diarrhea. and then he was diagnoised colorectal cancer. :( then i suddenly realised, my fyp project curcumin was good at colorectal cancer. cetuximab is alr indicated for colorectal cancer in the market. maybe i will get colorectal cancer too. :((((

maybe i should start reading so that i dont anyhow imagine things....

Met up with taiwan gang for lunch after pss lecture today. Never plan but it went smoothly as usual, i like! =) I love to meet up with this group of people, they give uptodate a new life. :)

For dinner, I lost in a scissors paper stone game and ended up paying for the whole meal. Now I think back, I think I got cheated again. >.<

Things will be easier if I like to read DIH like how I like to watch TV.

had quite an enjoyable this week and friday came quite fast. I am looking forward to a good weekend. ^.^ Lookin forward to my 3rd pay (so fast!), and I can buy sth good for myself finally!

Anyway, I gained weight the last 2 weeks.... Gosh, working has became part of my basal metabolic rate such now alr! Or packing medicine in the farm is really such a good way to slim down?

I think i need to master how to think before i open my mouth. i think this prob is genetic, cause my parents always quarrel, and i feel the reason why they always have disputes cause they always pass remarks without using their brains, and this leads to misunderstandings.

slept at 11pm till 2am yesterday to sneeze non stop till 630pm then go work. I was like on sedatives the whole day at work, thank god i had a crappy interesting partner to work with. -.-

Reached home at 610pm today! every junior I met on the 95 bus looked damn shocked t see me go home so early! 5pm is the offical knock-off time okay! :)

Am going to sleep after my 7pm show .... I need to sleep seriously... Hope tonight will have peaceful sleep.

my mother bought a new laptop wire for me, now I dun need t struggle with that laptop with Windows 7 which i dun know how to use! :):) Damn cool universal laptop wire, can use for all brands! I hope it dun catch fire easily!

oh ya, am at inpatient rotations now, where people said it is the hell of the hell. of cos its tiring, but i am rather enjoying myself most of the time at work. Had pleasant working partner and mentors! And that particular pharmacy got alot of nice foods at the back for me to snack when I want to slack. Awesome! Am at ICU till next week. A lot of sick patients here! Its sad to see people so young struggling to stay alive.

I have been having incidents of stomachache every now and then for 2 mths plus? Ever since I laughed at my friend for having diarrhea. Nowadays, I feel very afraid when I ate cold food or ate too fast, cause the gut cramps are so painful sometimes. :(

Updates ...

Last weekend, my laptop wire caught fire suddenly. As in, I on my laptop, then I suddenly I saw a small fire and smoke.... It was damn scary for someone so timid like me, lucky I am smart enough to off the thing at once and not faint. Then i went to open all the windows and threw my laptop at one area, cause I tot it may explode anytime. Didnt dare to call anyone cause it will only make them worried. But that night, I cant sleep.

My sleeping pattern has been really bad. Reached home at 9pm plus, slept/do random stuff till 11pm, msned and cleared some admin work till 1130pm, till off to bed till 4am plus to wake up to finish my work. Then to prevent myself from dying early due to lack of sleep, I recovered all my sleep debt during the weekend. But the weekend is too short, and I m really tired, and thats explained for my sometimes atypical behavior. Sometimes I am just too tired to feel anything. And I hope one day I will be too tired to feel sleepy.

And as usual, somehow we always looked like we dun know alot of things. everyday go back with a whole lot of questions and patient cases to look at. the stuff for me to look at is stacked till so high I should change my cupboard alr.

Nowadays, I totally loved going out on Sunday in jeans/shorts. And though am not hungry, I look forward to lunch everyday and my TDS dosing coffee. :)

there are so many things I wanna do. Read chinese novels/gossip magazines, watch drama, msn with rx to ask how is him, organise outings and go eat high tea lol, go shopping.... but sometimes I really feel I should sleep more if I have any free time.

It is a pity I didnt go and see the yog opening ceremony. Cant find anyone to go with me. And am too tired that I am feeling immunocompromised now.

TIRED. Nowadays am so tired I dun even have energy to have dreams or talk in my sleep. :(

I am looking forward to saturday and sunday! :)

Was messaging cheryl on my way back home today, then reached tampines and alighted. then i saw someone like her at the train station! I tot I was hallucinating cause I was sleeping on the train jus now, so I walked away without saying Hi. She also didnt say Hi and after that I asked her, that babe was really her! It is such a small world!

The end of the journey seemed so far away suddenly. initially i was all looking forward to ward rotations. now, when i am in it, it is only day 2 and i felt so tired already. Such a loser.... And I really want to sleeppppppp.

I never like looking for answers myself cause it is such a long process. But the thing is, I cant ask for spoonfeeding now cause I am supposed to be independent. :(

First day of ward rotations, no more packing already! Congratulations to myself!

Actually I don't know what to start writing about. Nowadays, at the end of every day, there are so many emotions that I wanna write here, but i am too tired by the time i reached home.

Got a nice farmer to follow with today. Actually people here are generally nice. And i got a really nice partner to work with, and I am really sorry for my childish-ness. :( Sometimes am just too tired that I lost my temper oops, which sometimes I dun know why too haiz. One day i think he may just pull my rebonded hair and ask me to shut up haha.

Work has also made me more aware of my own character, and I am terribly disappointed. The biggest weakness in me is that I am very complacent and tends to wait for the answers. I need to be reminded that I need to be thick-skinned and hardworking t0 learn the most out of everything.

I went to cut hair today to make myself look younger lol. I want my youth back! And i Went to buy clothes again! Tot the top looks nice on the fake model, but then I just tried just now and am disappointed. :(((( I look so short!

gone are the holidays. all good things come to an end ya? I got to work very hard tonight to get ready for the ward rounds tmr, woohoo!! :)

going for tuition soon ...

today is such a busy saturday that I dun have time to help people, people dun have time to help me. A lot of patients applied for home leave due to the coming long weekend, and the whole farm is damn overloaded!

oh mans my eye bags are getting so serious. I was so shocked that I once looked so youthful when I looked at my Taiwan photos, which is just 3 mths ago?????

We passed JCI! :) I think this is sth we should all be proud of as it is such a painful process! Nobody was complacent at any time and the whole hospital worked so hard for it!

Finally, I got to experience the real happiness of TGIF (working start le). Some minor probs with dinner initially, but am so glad it went off fine. First time seeing Alvin so angry ... I always get scared when my friends get angry haha. Anyway I got a surprise bdae celebration too, thanks to jiawei and yt! :)

I got abit upset when I heard that GML cant even remember my full name. I must be damn lousy at that time....

woke up really damn late today and i had to print my notes for the case discussion. Took a cab down to work which costs me 30 bucks. :(((( But somehow, I felt the 1 hour extra of sleep i got is worthy. ^.^

Then, the war came. Gosh, I panicked and I am glad I remained good-tempered and composed throughout. Though i kinda chop the computer to myself and dun allow other people to use heh. Actually, you need a lot of mental power at work, not just the good brains. Oh ya, but I lost my cool when I received a call during lunchtime cause I cant wait to eat my ayam penyet le Hah.

The long weekend is coming soon, I dun think I would be resting throughout cause I got tons of work to catch up on. :( The to-do-list list just keep accumulating. But work has been really enjoyable so far after the emo incident. =)

没天没夜

been sleeping at 11pm nowadays and waking up at 4am plus to do work. Damn unhealthy lifestyle which my body obviously cant take it. Grrrr.

Am still recovering from that sad shock, but i guess life goes on cause this is life haha. Had zi char with some of the colleagues today, i like to eat zi char hee!

I am really glad to have these people in my pre-reg journey. I am quite an asshole troublemaker sometimes at work, and I am really grateful for everything.

There is a Jaychou-look alike in the farm. Only his eyes looks alike, he talks so different from Jay lah! Cause Jay is irreplaceable heh. :)

you caught me unexpected.

indescribable disappointment.

i was late for 1.5 h for my last friday dinner outing, and that made some of my friends wondered how come i can be so late. cause we were supposed to go for my all-time fav buffet haha! Arrive late = lesser time to eat = rugi!

And on sat, due to poor time planning, i got piang seh to watch inception. well, partly my fault but not completely lol. hmph. now i got nobody to watch with cause the whole world has watched it liao. :(

and i just woke up from a 2hours nap which was interrupted twice by one guy who called the wrong number. funny leh, 8 digits also cannot press properly.

everyone taking graduation studio photos. its quite cool leh! i also want to take my individual one with winnie the pooh haha, but i wonder where i can put the photo cause my room is packed with notes alr. it will be pathetic to take alr then put in the storeroom.

yesterday, i was so eager to get out of the hospital that i walked out of my farm in my white coat. i forgot to take it off! it was so damn embarrassing.

seeing how hard other people is working now makes me abit worried, but its okay. must be positive! :)

i feel terribly sorry that i misheard someone as scolding me as and losing temper at that person. Really, i feel damn bad, but i guess whats done cant be undone. :( i seriously need to do sth abt my ears.

i think sometimes am a pain in the ass in others' eyes at work. i am really sorry when i made those mistakes, but i do try very hard. today, someone told me to walk faster at work. :(

was damn nervous when i interviewed my patient today. needs to improve on this.

My fyp supervisor came to my farm today! Was damn happy to see her, I dun know why. We chatted for a while, after which the queue started coming in, so I had to ask her to go one side and wait. she told me she dun know i am working there now, its kinda disappointing cause i told her already! She forgot! But now I think she will remember it!

did sth different, outside of drugs, and i think i made someone life happier today. I thank the person for bringing the smile on my face once again. :)

I have a family where everyone aims to be very clinical too. My parents have their own views on their health issues and risk factors and of cos their own perspectives on drugs. Like before they went for their health checkup, they tell me they know whats the doctor gg to say alr. As a allied health member, I feel anything can happen to you anytime cause its fated. the best way is to prevent and treat as early as you can. Pls dun act like a doctor!

things are getting more and more absurd. and i am losing my patience. on everything, everyone. Trust me, i know what i am doing, what i want, and i know things are getting out of hand. am feeling so helpless yet so alone, shit. :'(

I wont be writing here anymore for the time being, till i see the sun again.

i feel right, i am so away from the world right now. Even when i go out, i feel tired and the tot of gg back to work made me sad. I got so much to do, yet the motivation is so limited. I want to go holiday, and i am going start planning one for december so tat i got sth to look forward in my life.

is falling apart soon.....

oh boy i am starting to have the fears that i wont be accepted into this place 9 mths later. :(

today while i was packing halfway, someone told me i got alot of black heads on my face. chui.

and i am so afraid of oversleeping nowadays that i hold the clock to sleep. And i had my super loud alarm beside me. Life is rather pathetic hur?

its really hard to have a balance btw work and fun. ended work at 630pm and i had to rush down to meet friends for dinner. was so tired but had to attend cause it was a farewell dinner. and when i am tired, i dun feel like talking and people think i am losing my temper heh! its nearly impossible for me to go out on weekends now cause i want to spend time with family and do my work.

its so hard to catch up with work too. everyday i have so much questions which i never get a good satisfactory for many. miss those days with those excellent notes. and i dun have the luxury to go back to refer sometimes, keep forgetting what i jus learnt. :(((

change of schedule for rotations. i really hope everything will turn out fine. as much as i want to make full use of the hospital, i do hope my presence does help in the whole workflow in the hospital. thats why i will be trying my best to accept the changes which arent very nice actually. let the positive mood stays on!! ~

lesson learnt: do not take that yellow tablet at 530am when i only have one hour of sleep. another bad nose night, i was hesitating whether to go work. decided to go in the end feeling very giddy, then ended up with bad mood with everyone cause was doing boring stuff. due to the lack of sleep, got fever and bad headache, decided to eat panadol again at 11am(6 hours from 530am). then went down to R1, realised i made D angry, felt bad and horrible, then decided to do SAP to escape Haha! i think i am quite annoying too so i decided to make myself disappear!

things were better in the afternoon. i am so thankful for S as she helped me identify so many of my dumb mistakes. otherwise my name will be called so many times! today is just not my day, i am really not feeling well. but somehow, i got better after work and went holland vill for dinner! I even had grilled chicken and ice cream! amazing healing! anyway, happy birthday to O! :D

i got this abrasion on my leg which i dun know what i did last night to myself to get it. and its so painful. :(((

dearest ah lao in spore. not going to meet him this time, too busy and too poor. 9 mths later, i will fly to other countries to meet him!

i hate it most when things dun go according t my plans. i dun understand why we had to repeat checking that damn thing once every few days, I saw my name signed there few days ago! :( It is so waste of time, and I seriously think sth should/can be done. There are so many instructions left unsaid, unconfirmed. I hate the sudden changes of plans, cause i had to change my goals/timetable.

I am trying my best to control my temper at work cause am a nobody. Am just a substitute or whatever you call it. And nobody understands, I cant keep whining cause people think am childish. So upsetting. :(

the best thing that happened today was having icecream after lunch from 7-eleven. emo pig.

rest day today! nothing beats having a great dinner at home with family and waiting for the 7pm show. And my dear friend today commented that i walk damn fast, must be due to work (those never-ending SAPs!)!

i am kinda not looking forward to work tmr. there's nth to look forward anymore. :X

did sunday duty today! overslept and had to take a cab down. 20 dollars gone! :(

had to run around the whole hospital to get drugs for all the patients. i am quite okay with this, though its really tiring and i am so lazy, cause it is all for our patients heh. And everyone present today are really nice, nobody was rushing me and there was this nice PT who was telling me where things are. went to get items, open/close pharmacy, switch off/on the alarm and everything else. Wasnt taught all these before at all, had to master all myself. Stay calm ALONE and try to figure things out. Its quite scary cause I tot I may sound the alarm and police will come, but luckily things went well. i kinda like these times cause it made me independent and realised I am actually able to do this myself. :)

but i am falling sick now. having a fever/headache/runny nose now, actually i have been having intermitent fever all these while and its quite worrying cause sometimes i realised i forgot to eat panadol thats why I got fever! I am on panadol dependence now! I think there are just too many virus around and I should just wear mask at work everyday. All my dear colleagues are taking turns to take mc too, soon it will be my turn. :p

tmr is my off day. i am thinking whether to cancel my outing to rest at home or to go out and get nice clothes to work haha. I am just glad I have this day off and I think my colleagues are glad too cause the trouble-maker is not present tmr.

today felt like a friday, so slack!! As we are gg to get 'audited' soon, we had to go for chemical spill talk in the morning, which i had no interest in cause i went through sth similar during my fyp days. almost dozed off standing up, amazingly tired!

in the afternoon, we went for the fire drill! Woots learnt how to use a fire extinguisher. I seriously doubted the usefulness cause does anyone knows a brand new extinguisher actually is very heavy and one cannot spray with so much force like during the drill lor! and then, we learnt how to use the water hose! Yes, my mother also wondered why I need to be taught how to use the hose! It is just like gardening what!

Saw this damn cool fire evacuation chairr for patients too! To help bring all the patients out in case got fire. But I get lost so easily, better dun help .... -.-

Anyway, it is quite nice to hear that small boss recongnised our efforts to help out in packing during this period when R1 is in chaos. I felt its quite heartening, but I tried my best not to show that out just now Haha! :D

Was told to attend a doctor conference talk on EPGR tmr, cause am doing on that for my project, but I got grad night dinner! What a pity to miss the damn nice atas food at the conference, oh well.

been feeling no matter how hard i try, theres always so much for me to do and improve on. everyday, i realised one flaw of myself. is this what this 9 mths supposed to feel like or am i just not suitable for this job.

today wasnt easy at all. i dun know why, my performance status was disappointed. how can i forget the basic workflow. sigh. the fault doesnt lie in anyone but me. i need to be more attentive at work. :(

packed a case of med recon. this case wasnt easy, full of unexpected surprises lol, but somehow i felt damn good after finishing it. Med recon is sth like collecting patient's old medications and see if he can use that for the latest medication regimen after discharge, so he dun need to buy so much again and there wont be so much duplicate medications at home. by doin med recon, i helped this particular patient saved 32 bucks by doing it! hope he gets well soon! it wasnt the first med recon i done, but i felt quite good after finishing it. :D

my family thinks it is weird why i am going out earlier and earlier but reaching home later and later everyday. :X And yeah, i dun have time or energy to upload photos onto fb. i dun even have time to upload an one-sentence status.

business is damn good the last few days in the farm such that we were asked to go down and pack. now, actually i really hate packing cause i think i tend to switch off my brain and be complacent. i do know its importance and significance in this initial learning stage. the challenge now is to constantly remind myself to always tell myself i must be willing to learn every single thing.

working is so much different from studying. in the past, whenever i feel really uncomfortable, i will just skip lectures or school. not that i skip alot, but i got the luxury to rest if i want. had a bad stomachache this morning, but i still had to pack with no mistakes. because no mistakes can be tolerated.

there are so many things i wanna do, but i cant. because life is so stagnant, am upset. :(

drug info rotation sounds scary. reading journals will be my hobby over there. i don't think am looking forward to that.

its so hard to survive when there is no spoonfeeding. no lecture notes for summary.

i have been staring at my computer typing some notes on renal topic since late afternoon, except for 1hour plus break, and now my eyes are going to pop out anytime. and there are still so much things to learn, understand and read.

and i am gg to sleep now otherwise i may go blind before i got my license.

after so many years of whining and complaining, i have finally reached the day when I graduated! And with a first class honours heh! :)

I thank my parents for their never ending love and support for me. they were my best friends, even though sometimes my enemies when we quarreled. they were my doctors/pharmacists when i fell sick(which is so frequent), and they were my cooks for my meals since young. many times in my primary and secondary schools, i kept forgetting to bring things to school and they had to come school to give me. I thank them for going through the agony to pray for my english grades, esp GP during A levels. I thank them for their money for my english tuition otherwise I know I will never be what I am today. And the list goes on.

i think they are so noble cause they play so many roles in my life and so many times, their efforts may not be appreciated by me. :( I love them and I pray that they stay healthy so that I can start to play the many roles in their lives. :)

oh ya, i wore the grad hat until i tension headache yesterday, it was so painful. My head is really very big. the hat is already M size lor!

it felt weird to walk around with 90 tablets of viagra in the hospital. was doing SAP(transfer of items btw diff places) heh.

after what happened today, i will increase my tolerance for everything.
breathe in breathe out, and smile. :D

still sick, with a rather bad dry cough. i took antibiotics, had more rest the last few days. what went wrong.

i feel very upset when my family members dun understand what i am doing. jus like how my parents dun understand why i am so tired everyday after work, why i cant afford that few minutes to stop packing behind the pharmacy to go out to buy medicine for them. to them, coming home to read after work is a real joke.

orientation ended. the real challenge finally arrived!

Today is the day i got my first pay. pathetic amount, but i am ready to meet up with my dearest friends to give everyone a small treat! :D:D

patient safety, ADR, MRSA, ICU, hand hygience ....

been listening to all these terminology these few days. memories of my dearest uncle kept flashing back...the words i told him, the promises we once made and how he died in front of me. it is still emotionally very painful and i really hope i get to walk out of it soon.

instead of robbing the bank today, i went with the gals to Vivo to shop and had dinner at a hk cafe. We are so damn slacked!

Corporate orientation these 3 days. got abandoned by my friends to join a new orientation group today. It was so boring that I am so tired now cause half of the time I was staring outside and daydreaming. And there is this new clinical farmer beside me who speaks with this slang that I cannot understand, and thus I cant be bothered to talk to him.

i am currently so poor that i cant sleep last night cause i had to think where else to get money. i dun know why eating at kopitiam or staff canteen can cause me to be so broke! maybe i should rob a bank tmr night since work ends early. :D

not looking to work tmr cause it is only orientation abt the company. it sounds boring.

i feel lousy cause whenever i get busy, my whole life gets very screwed up. i forgot to bring cheryl's card today, forgot to bring home the therapeutics worksheet from work yesterday, forgot that i had an appt yesterday. There is sth that i seem to never learn: multi-tasking!

i come home everyday this week feeling very tired, partly due to work which i dun know why cause it is supposed to be simple, and partly due to traveling cause i am going back at unearthy timings like 10pm. i feel worse when i just go to bed straight every work with NTH done.

lastly, i hate the dry cough.

my friend, who is a SJ fan, is jealous that my colleagues get to perform sorry sorry during the staff party. Yes those guys! :D:D

inpatient rotations is going to be damn xiong, but i hope to do a good job. i think i will only meet those mentors and my training partner for the next 12 weeks. Bye world!

and i am so glad rx remembered my bdae this year! Take care and I look forward to the day we meet up again with full attendance! There must be some parts in your life when you experiences the downs, so that what comes next will be the ups!

it felt weird to work on my bdae cause i self declared it as holiday actually. well, made mistakes here and there today (not alot okay) cause was in holiday mood. others also made mistakes though today wasnt their bdaes lol.

having a very bad dry cough now. i woke up last night coughing very badly and tot i was experiencing breathing difficulties. it all started with a painful sore throat last weekend. The whole workplace is full of virus and even my partner was down with cough few days ago. i think you need to be damn healthy and be on an overdose on vitamin c to stay healthy. and we are all too busy to drink water every now and then. and given the stress and the amt of time to rest everyday.

i think i am getting psychotic soon. one part of me tells me i am sick and should rest, the other part of me tells me i am actually just lazy and should go to work. one day, i will end up in ward 12.

i got very irritated this morning at work. i admit i am someone who dun like shit to happen on me as i dun give people shit, and i really tried my best to stop my temper sometimes. but it just got abit too much today when everyone made mistakes and expect me to give them what they want. and i got cramps .... okay excuses! that's why when i went back, i kept very quiet cause once i open my mouth, i will start complaining non stop. and thats scare my partner off lol. i am not someone who will bear with everything and still smile smile cause i know thats bad for health lol!

I think teamwork is really impt at work. you can give your best, but if your team of colleagues is not with you, everything will be wasted. everything is a team-based effort. i think its very sad when everyone start to push responsibility and feels happy when you are not the one making mistakes and its others. cause at the end of the day, the patients suffer the most. of cos when mistakes happen sometimes, i really cant help much cause i dun even know how it occured. as a newbie, i may only create more probs. but i would love to help those i can.

I made a hell-lot of mistakes the last few days. and i am glad the mistakes are getting lesser, my name was only called once today(I think)! I think thats not because I escaped, but that I learnt through all the mistakes. Now, my eyes really open big big when I do packing! I hope this will get better!

I am glad I have this group of people with me for pre-reg. Some who I never talk to for 4 years in school and yet they are still so nice to me. We celebrated the june babies today!

happy birthday to myself! I am so looking forward to the dinner tgt. Having a dinner with my friends of 10 years is the best present! I am so proud of that! :)