I went to the neonatal ICU today. and i saw a pair of twins babies, and they weigh 800g only. Am sad to see them in this state, they looked too fragile to even be described in words. I really hope they make it through.

In lab now, been doing extem preparations these 2 days. the trainings in school are useless cause I can anyhow stir and make a mess out of the whole area. Now, people are going to drink the shlol's solution that i freshly made for them!

I miss the clean room.

And i am going to repeat what i say every entry. i am tired.

i want to go holiday no friends are free. it is sad, the reason last time is no money. now is no time. everyday i surf the website looking for cheap deals, but i am deceiving myself only cause i haven apply leave yet. =.=

If I could have anything that I could buy off someone else with money, or even anything that existed in this world, what would I want?

I dont even know what I want.

And its sad, cause I dun know where to go from next. Well, people may say you are so good at ur clinical part, u are so hardworking! You should be clincial! Should I? I know how complacent I am, how not meticulous I am, how lazy I am actually compared to years ago. So yeah .... And the more I work, the more I know, the more I doubt my own abilities.

Urine test? The only urine test I had in school was my pharmacokinetics module, and we measured the half life and kinetics of paracetamol. it was lame, almost everyone fake their urine with chrysanthemum tea or other teas, and we brewed the samples in lab lol.

Okay this is in response to rx's entry, and I am feeling sad that I had to work tmr. Worked today even though it was a sunday. I hate sunday duties, how many times must i mention this!

should stop thinking so much and read up on tmr's rotation!

YAY I bought a new laptop. Now it is so quiet I can hear me typing the keyboard. SHIOK!!

But that means I am broke. I shall eat more veg rice with more rice and less meat this month. Christmas is coming, time to meet up for meals = more money needed.

oh ya, i lost my uob atm password. now my card is retained by the machine. sad. :(

Hello! I finished my first round of vivaS and I think I should be able to pass them all! Awesome! :D

I would never imagine myself to end up training in this hospital 2 years ago when i was trying hard to make it on time for 8am lecture. the past few mths have been crazy, i sleep and wake up at weird timings, and normally i meet the outside world in the weekends. weekdays are normally working till i die type.

i am grateful for the group of colleagues with me. Other than CY, I think I made 12 new friends this time. :) They are nice people and I am glad to have this in my learning journey, I learnt alot from everyone! I thank my partner for helping me queue up for coffee and understanding my erratic behavior. But sometimes I still dun understand his erratic behavior.

I am not someone who will tell u I am worried and scared, cause I don't want to add to people's burden. But I am actually really scared everyday cause I worry I will get into trouble and end up quarreling with people. It isnt easy, but I am glad I survived close to 4 mths of work! :D

I still dont know what I want in the future though. Sometimes as much as I want to help people and be a good pharmer, sometimes I thought I am more suitable for other jobs. >.< I hope I can come to a decision when the training ends!

Work in the past 2 days haven been good. its pretty shitty.

yesterday, Hospital C called me. And its was the Head farmer. Actually she called me last week, created a hooha btw DI and lab cause she asked for a substitute for one eye drop for alkaline eye burns. I helped her search, and ended up niao by the lab farmer in my hospital for being nosey. But, this was her DRUG ENQUIRY. And I am just a small farmer, how to reject! So yesterday, she came back from leave and called me again to ask for alternatives! Cause apparently my answer to her that day was not good cause the alternative also not available lol! Lousy! Then, I looked for more studies then called the eye farmer in my hospital, told him abt this, told him what i had done and what the lab farmer tot alr, and guess what! He called the lab farmer to ask why we stopped producing the eye drops! Then, the lab farmer scolded me again and this time, she asked me if i am very free. Cause hospital C has thier own DI. I really feel like scolding back cause it is not my fault, and my DI farmer is not around, I have to make the decisions myself. =.=

Today, some irritating farmer called me to ask for one question. it is written everything in DIH, MIMS and PIL on this equation, yet he told me it is not correct! So i searched and found all similar data, and showed him. Then, he showed me one reference table he got and told me in front of everyone that I didnt search enough! Bloody hell! I seldom lose my cool in front my strangers but this time, I am mad angry. And guess what, I went to search all the articles to show him! Then I realised his reference table is wrong!

I am alr very stressed over viva. Not having enough quality sleep. And everyone I have to deal with these people who just piss me off.

Going to have my practical viva tmr. Very scared cause those instructions for use dun make sense, I mean I never see those products before my whole life. How to counsel!!!! But in holiday mood le, haven start memorising anything yet. Think will panic attack tonight. X.X

the N peeps are planning to go to have indian VEG dinner after viva. Oh well, that place serves not bad food lah, but then I tot that is rather sad to celebrate end of viva. It is not that i dun like the food, I also got eat veg meals de ar. But I am worried that I will get stomachache after that, my lousy stomach. Sometimes I think I eat too much chicken rice from the staff canteen, I also get stomachache cause maybe too oily. But then again, my stomach can take watever amt of french fried and macdonalds. =.= But its okay, there's always loperamide!

My friend all cant believe I got 4 vivas to go! it is like taking 4 mods in NUS lah!

Looking forward to post-viva to go out and meet those that I miss! Esp those farm friends. =)

I am very happy that char is coming to N soon for attachment heh. Hope CL gets well soon from food poisoning. :)

I feel depressed when i see the amt of work to do in the coming weeks. :(

I passed my inpatient viva! Awesome shit! Initially i was so nervous i cant even remember the dosing for Flumucil for PCI. LOL. I told them I am really nervous cause this is my first viva lol. in the end, i asked them .. have i passed alr? Because I want to go toliet very badly!

Oh but i need my fairy godmother for tmr's viva! :(((((

on my way to work today, i saw someone who look so similar to rx. I can totally still remember how he looked 4 years ago lol. I wonder if he look the same now. I miss menpa! Work hard for ur exams guys then we can hae a white christmas! ^.^

Today is PH. Finally can sit down and have some good msn chats. Took a rather long nap by accident, but studying was rather productive. I cant remember them man!

I am looking forward to post-viva as I can finally do what I want to do. Currently on a hiatus and seriously this sucks cause I dun know if i can make it for tmr and friday. Am okay with retaking but pls dun let me retake everything!

First day at DI. And alone! And some of the colleagues had their DI viva today! Damn terrifying!

Looking forward to end of viva so that I can buy my iphone then I can play non-stop those games! Mad in love with them! :D

I am feeling so sleepy now but I shall endure otherwise i will die in my cc viva ......

I want to be encouraging for my friends. But when they didnt do well, I feel bad cause I feel I give them false hopes. Sorry. :(

I am so concerned over my high BMI that i wrote in my slides that chemo drugs r dosed based on BMI, not BSA! OMG, this is such a terribly funny mistake! So, stop saying that am fat okay! I cant conc at work!

last night around 1am, i realised i dun have enough info for my slides for ppt today and i am presenting to my chief p. call me kiasu or kiasi or whatever, i woke up at 630 to cab to work to use IPHARM in the wards. this is so damn tiring, i slept in the office and then jus now 2 hours at home. when you are tired, you inevitably emo and wonder why you are working so hard for. why i cant be my other friends and have their weekends purely to go out. i am trying very hard to have good balance, and it is so tiring to try that hard. cause there is really ALOT of things to do, and yet i want to go out during the weekends. you see, the learning log and project that i have to deal with after my exams ..... I jus hate them! sometimes i feel really bad i have ignored my parents ever since i starte working, i am really sorry for this and i am really trying very hard. Cause most of the time, I came home and went to bed straight. Or I wake up at timings they are deep asleep. i hope all these get better after my training, otherwise maybe this is just not for me.

mugging (defined as intensive studying and brainless memorising) makes me emo. so many things to read! :((((

I cant believe I am sitting for my viva soon, and soon I will be a real farmer! :D

This week was really bad. Supposed to be at purchasing, which was rather slack, ended up in retail pharmacy to pack. I feel unappreciated over there, alone and emo. I pity those farmers who are busy chasing after waiting time and getting scolded for no reasons. that day, i got scolded by a wheelchair patient cause i told him to wait 30 mins more as i need to go store and take stocks for him. he said his taxi fare will increase if he wait for me, but then the peak period for surcharge is not so early what. i hate such people who abuse ur special privileges! :(

then i was always left alone in store to do packing. cause my parnter and i take turns to go retail pharmacy to do packing. stock items are so heavy, i do until i sweat in the air con store. i hate this!

Got sth not good for my appraisal. well well, i promised someone i will get over it hee. :) like i always say, i dun expect everyone to like me. :)

I am not a believer of staying up late (except to watch drama or chat haha) or doing last minute stuff. i think there is a reason why there is 24 hours a day, and a reason why people say we should sleep 8 hours a day. I am kinda upset by the end of the week nowadays if i dun get my 8 hours sleep, and i ended up spending my weekends sleeping away.

Now, i hv this lasting eye bags which i believed is due to the cc attachment, damn disgusting! I hope my eye masks will relieve it away!

Random post above oh!

My viva is coming real soon, and i am going to die cause everything is in a mess. i really dun know where to start! The last few nights, i started reading the junk of stuff i wrote in the last few mths and i got difficulty recalling why i wrote those stuff and what they mean!

I am so tired. i often wonder why i am always so tired. i am at purchasing now, but i am still tired. no matter what i do, i am still tired. I rested alot like during the weekend! Am sad. :(

And i got to do the slides for my cancer centre ppt. I hate doing slides!

after a bad night of never ending bad news followed by sleepless night due to my nose, i received good news this evening! My cousin is a father now! Woah! :) :)

I need to learn to be more humble ... ^.^

i spent my whole morning trying to hunt down one lizard in my room. it is damn huge. and there are so many notes in my room, so many good hiding places! :(((((

So my exam is in 2 weeks time and I am scared lol. I actually wanted to hide at home these 2 days to mug but i have to do some rubbish admin stuff today which gave me headache and i slept my afternoon away! :( the last time i studied hard was mths ago. had been slacking these few weeks, actually i studied rather hard initially when i went inpatient, but i attended so much gatherings, nobody in the working world study! Nobody really care?! So, I shall join the majority. ^.^ But then again i cant fail! Its so embarrassing!!!

Oh I survived my cancer centre attachment! it wasnt easy, i was by myself most of the time. :( Lets dun talk abt how she insult me lol, I forget already la! She showed me how much i still dont know and that pharmacists really play a big role. :) looking at the way she is not complacent abt anything though she had been in this line for so damn long, I feel amazed.

oh that day i went to interview one patient and expressed concern that he looked bald now... and that it is due to the chemo ..then he told me he jus went fr a haircut yesterday. it was so embarrassing i tell you. but then he said am sweet lol. :)

just now, someone approached me to do survery. to accumulate karma for me to survive well on my last day of attachment, i agreed. so the first question was, whats my occupation .. then he anyhow assumed my pay is btw 3 to 4 k! So rude! I had to tell him sorry pls tick the 1.5 to 2k box. :(

Life at the cancer centre is really stressful. first, everything cause nausea and vomiting, i seriously cant remember. second, i am separated from my partner so i had to learn to protect myself from any fireballs. third, there are too many fireballs these few days I kept getting burnt!!! (if you get what i mean hur!)

I washed the trays and splashed water all over the floor, and my supervisor had to help me clean up the floor cause she fear someone may slip down. omg i feel so bad. :( I am really lousy at doing housework.

cramps continued today. and i rushed to the farm t get panadol menstrual lol. :(