the ward Rotations are making me really giddy and tired. Totally can experience the 'Sien' feeling. I was so pissed off with everything today that on the train back, I told one guy to wake up when he was leaning towards me as he dozed off beside me.

i never know working can be so emotionally tiring.

the ppt today wont go well if my daddy didnt rush down to pass me my stupid thumbdrive. i really need to change my forgetful habit. since kindergarden, my parents have always been going my school to pass me things, and that included NUS too! I really cmi!

I love my parents!

Anyway I just had one of the worst periods my whole life. first, the cramps were so painful i couldnt sleep (but that's not sth new!), but this time i started to vomit! Then, I lost so much blood till i felt giddy! I just hope this faster ends cause I really cant conc at work!

I want to be a boy my next life if i cant be a tree!

It is always so much easier to tell people to cheer up compared to people asking you to cheer up. Of cos I understood the disappointment, I had my worst days back then too but then life is still just as great now! I would be a horrible friend to let you continue in despair, therefore those encouraging words came in. And of cos, they were geinuine. :)

I like the way we msn-ed. :)

I am having my first ppt at my workplace tmr, and i am abit scared but not very concerned already. This is so like FYP once again! I prayed that no cancer-related questions to be asked. otherwise, I will be so dead. Because this is an ongoing project, I cant change alot of stuff, and there are a few things I actually dun agree on. Haiz.

If tmr goes well, I shall treat myself to Mac. The honey dun know what fries damn nice!

I look forward to my off day this saturday. :)

my cramps are so painful i feel like crying. :(((

2 accidents in 1 day

Thursday

thanks to the sudden visits to the toliet this morning, i was almost late for work. but boss was later! :( Took a cab to work, and unfortunately there was an accident at CTE. The cab was crawling but the fare rate was escalating. :((( My heart bled cause that is like more than half of my one day pay! Anyay, when i saw the ambulance at the site of the accident, I got a sudden impulse to get off my cab and get a free ride from the ambulance! We should be going to the same place right!

On my way back home, i was so tired I decided to take bus 96 to clementi so tat I can sit down on the train. But I was so unfortunate again cause there was another accident just outside NUS at the clementi side. This time, the bus wasnt moving at all and I was so pissed off. I was on that bus for 45 minutes lah! I would have reached buona vista earlier if I walked there!

Friday

Today, after work, I decided to follow one colleague to cross the bridge to the other side of the expressway to take bus 198. It is damn fast, but i think I will be damn slim after 9 mths! Cross bridge everyday!

Bought a new bag for work at the hospital bazzar. Hopefully it will last me until I get my dream bag. :))

a bad day. :(

first, i woke up at 4am plus cause i got sinus again, and i refused to take any medicine and rather sneeze cause it is almost time to wake up anyway. the fatigue caused me to be insecure the whole day, and i felt so lost in this damn big hospital. and at the same time, this current rotation is also making me damn lost. Project recruitment didnt go well, how many times have i waited for patients who in the end MIA? I am a bit sick of this, cause i had to run all over the place, and i got my own work to complete at the own rotation. oh, and its just the beginning.

I sometimes wonder i am capable of doing all these. someone told me all the diarrhea or sinus problems are here with me today cause i am too tired and always expect too much from myself. my working partner is always telling me to relax and dun do things so fast. while at times i find life challenging and awesome, i feel really tired sometimes and think i am being too hard on myself. :(((

Last night, while doing my slides, i was very grateful to my fyp sup who was once very critical abt my p1 slides (though she MIA in the last ppt) and wk for helping me for p2, cause i felt more prepared to do good slides now. the whole process then wasnt easy, but i realised i learnt alot frm them yesterday. And of cos, I felt very accomplished at the end of the night.

and lastly, ever since my uncle's death few mths ago, waiting for my parents' health report is worse than waiting for my own exam results. I really hope things go well. :)

Randoms ....

nowadays, every name that i hear sounds familiar .. I seem to have done med recon for him or her lol.

was walking home alone just now at 10pm plus ... omg it was so scary as i kept thinking there are ghosts around me! Argh. :(

menpa: Phua told me he wants to help me extract my wisdom tooth! HELPPPPPPPP.

my diarrhea seems to be getting worse and higher in frequency. maybe i should start investing in probiotics, cause it worked that time when I had such problems when I went India.

that friday evening, i was interviewing one patient on cetuximab, and he told me he went for a checkup after many episodes of diarrhea. and then he was diagnoised colorectal cancer. :( then i suddenly realised, my fyp project curcumin was good at colorectal cancer. cetuximab is alr indicated for colorectal cancer in the market. maybe i will get colorectal cancer too. :((((

maybe i should start reading so that i dont anyhow imagine things....

Met up with taiwan gang for lunch after pss lecture today. Never plan but it went smoothly as usual, i like! =) I love to meet up with this group of people, they give uptodate a new life. :)

For dinner, I lost in a scissors paper stone game and ended up paying for the whole meal. Now I think back, I think I got cheated again. >.<

Things will be easier if I like to read DIH like how I like to watch TV.

had quite an enjoyable this week and friday came quite fast. I am looking forward to a good weekend. ^.^ Lookin forward to my 3rd pay (so fast!), and I can buy sth good for myself finally!

Anyway, I gained weight the last 2 weeks.... Gosh, working has became part of my basal metabolic rate such now alr! Or packing medicine in the farm is really such a good way to slim down?

I think i need to master how to think before i open my mouth. i think this prob is genetic, cause my parents always quarrel, and i feel the reason why they always have disputes cause they always pass remarks without using their brains, and this leads to misunderstandings.

slept at 11pm till 2am yesterday to sneeze non stop till 630pm then go work. I was like on sedatives the whole day at work, thank god i had a crappy interesting partner to work with. -.-

Reached home at 610pm today! every junior I met on the 95 bus looked damn shocked t see me go home so early! 5pm is the offical knock-off time okay! :)

Am going to sleep after my 7pm show .... I need to sleep seriously... Hope tonight will have peaceful sleep.

my mother bought a new laptop wire for me, now I dun need t struggle with that laptop with Windows 7 which i dun know how to use! :):) Damn cool universal laptop wire, can use for all brands! I hope it dun catch fire easily!

oh ya, am at inpatient rotations now, where people said it is the hell of the hell. of cos its tiring, but i am rather enjoying myself most of the time at work. Had pleasant working partner and mentors! And that particular pharmacy got alot of nice foods at the back for me to snack when I want to slack. Awesome! Am at ICU till next week. A lot of sick patients here! Its sad to see people so young struggling to stay alive.

I have been having incidents of stomachache every now and then for 2 mths plus? Ever since I laughed at my friend for having diarrhea. Nowadays, I feel very afraid when I ate cold food or ate too fast, cause the gut cramps are so painful sometimes. :(

Updates ...

Last weekend, my laptop wire caught fire suddenly. As in, I on my laptop, then I suddenly I saw a small fire and smoke.... It was damn scary for someone so timid like me, lucky I am smart enough to off the thing at once and not faint. Then i went to open all the windows and threw my laptop at one area, cause I tot it may explode anytime. Didnt dare to call anyone cause it will only make them worried. But that night, I cant sleep.

My sleeping pattern has been really bad. Reached home at 9pm plus, slept/do random stuff till 11pm, msned and cleared some admin work till 1130pm, till off to bed till 4am plus to wake up to finish my work. Then to prevent myself from dying early due to lack of sleep, I recovered all my sleep debt during the weekend. But the weekend is too short, and I m really tired, and thats explained for my sometimes atypical behavior. Sometimes I am just too tired to feel anything. And I hope one day I will be too tired to feel sleepy.

And as usual, somehow we always looked like we dun know alot of things. everyday go back with a whole lot of questions and patient cases to look at. the stuff for me to look at is stacked till so high I should change my cupboard alr.

Nowadays, I totally loved going out on Sunday in jeans/shorts. And though am not hungry, I look forward to lunch everyday and my TDS dosing coffee. :)

there are so many things I wanna do. Read chinese novels/gossip magazines, watch drama, msn with rx to ask how is him, organise outings and go eat high tea lol, go shopping.... but sometimes I really feel I should sleep more if I have any free time.

It is a pity I didnt go and see the yog opening ceremony. Cant find anyone to go with me. And am too tired that I am feeling immunocompromised now.

TIRED. Nowadays am so tired I dun even have energy to have dreams or talk in my sleep. :(

I am looking forward to saturday and sunday! :)

Was messaging cheryl on my way back home today, then reached tampines and alighted. then i saw someone like her at the train station! I tot I was hallucinating cause I was sleeping on the train jus now, so I walked away without saying Hi. She also didnt say Hi and after that I asked her, that babe was really her! It is such a small world!

The end of the journey seemed so far away suddenly. initially i was all looking forward to ward rotations. now, when i am in it, it is only day 2 and i felt so tired already. Such a loser.... And I really want to sleeppppppp.

I never like looking for answers myself cause it is such a long process. But the thing is, I cant ask for spoonfeeding now cause I am supposed to be independent. :(

First day of ward rotations, no more packing already! Congratulations to myself!

Actually I don't know what to start writing about. Nowadays, at the end of every day, there are so many emotions that I wanna write here, but i am too tired by the time i reached home.

Got a nice farmer to follow with today. Actually people here are generally nice. And i got a really nice partner to work with, and I am really sorry for my childish-ness. :( Sometimes am just too tired that I lost my temper oops, which sometimes I dun know why too haiz. One day i think he may just pull my rebonded hair and ask me to shut up haha.

Work has also made me more aware of my own character, and I am terribly disappointed. The biggest weakness in me is that I am very complacent and tends to wait for the answers. I need to be reminded that I need to be thick-skinned and hardworking t0 learn the most out of everything.

I went to cut hair today to make myself look younger lol. I want my youth back! And i Went to buy clothes again! Tot the top looks nice on the fake model, but then I just tried just now and am disappointed. :(((( I look so short!

gone are the holidays. all good things come to an end ya? I got to work very hard tonight to get ready for the ward rounds tmr, woohoo!! :)

going for tuition soon ...

today is such a busy saturday that I dun have time to help people, people dun have time to help me. A lot of patients applied for home leave due to the coming long weekend, and the whole farm is damn overloaded!

oh mans my eye bags are getting so serious. I was so shocked that I once looked so youthful when I looked at my Taiwan photos, which is just 3 mths ago?????

We passed JCI! :) I think this is sth we should all be proud of as it is such a painful process! Nobody was complacent at any time and the whole hospital worked so hard for it!

Finally, I got to experience the real happiness of TGIF (working start le). Some minor probs with dinner initially, but am so glad it went off fine. First time seeing Alvin so angry ... I always get scared when my friends get angry haha. Anyway I got a surprise bdae celebration too, thanks to jiawei and yt! :)

I got abit upset when I heard that GML cant even remember my full name. I must be damn lousy at that time....

woke up really damn late today and i had to print my notes for the case discussion. Took a cab down to work which costs me 30 bucks. :(((( But somehow, I felt the 1 hour extra of sleep i got is worthy. ^.^

Then, the war came. Gosh, I panicked and I am glad I remained good-tempered and composed throughout. Though i kinda chop the computer to myself and dun allow other people to use heh. Actually, you need a lot of mental power at work, not just the good brains. Oh ya, but I lost my cool when I received a call during lunchtime cause I cant wait to eat my ayam penyet le Hah.

The long weekend is coming soon, I dun think I would be resting throughout cause I got tons of work to catch up on. :( The to-do-list list just keep accumulating. But work has been really enjoyable so far after the emo incident. =)

没天没夜

been sleeping at 11pm nowadays and waking up at 4am plus to do work. Damn unhealthy lifestyle which my body obviously cant take it. Grrrr.

Am still recovering from that sad shock, but i guess life goes on cause this is life haha. Had zi char with some of the colleagues today, i like to eat zi char hee!

I am really glad to have these people in my pre-reg journey. I am quite an asshole troublemaker sometimes at work, and I am really grateful for everything.

There is a Jaychou-look alike in the farm. Only his eyes looks alike, he talks so different from Jay lah! Cause Jay is irreplaceable heh. :)

you caught me unexpected.

indescribable disappointment.

i was late for 1.5 h for my last friday dinner outing, and that made some of my friends wondered how come i can be so late. cause we were supposed to go for my all-time fav buffet haha! Arrive late = lesser time to eat = rugi!

And on sat, due to poor time planning, i got piang seh to watch inception. well, partly my fault but not completely lol. hmph. now i got nobody to watch with cause the whole world has watched it liao. :(

and i just woke up from a 2hours nap which was interrupted twice by one guy who called the wrong number. funny leh, 8 digits also cannot press properly.

everyone taking graduation studio photos. its quite cool leh! i also want to take my individual one with winnie the pooh haha, but i wonder where i can put the photo cause my room is packed with notes alr. it will be pathetic to take alr then put in the storeroom.